Reconnecting with your partner through meditation

My husband would agree with this, so I don't feel bad putting it out there--he’s not the best communicator in the world. I have to drag things out of him and basically convince him to talk.  A few months ago, we were going through a particularly hard period. At the time, I couldn’t pinpoint what the problem was exactly. When I finally did and we hashed things out, it was like we unearthed months and months of grime and sludge that was clouding our whole relationship. When we got to the root of it, we both came to the realization that we were disconnected from each other. Were we having problems because we were disconnected, or were we disconnected because we were having issues? We decided to find out by reconnecting, but how? 

Set aside time to connect (actually connect, not watch TV)

We made a commitment to each other that every Sunday night, no matter what, we would set aside time to connect. And no, connecting doesn’t mean that we sit in front of the TV and watch Netfix. Here is what we do to connect every Sunday night (and no, it's not sex - although that is good too). Let me tell you, this may seem simple on the page but it is HARD. I think many of us live very disconnected lives - from each other and ourselves. To truly share connection means that for those few moments you are vulnerable. I feel very thankful that my husband was willing to try this with me. Now, we do some variation of this almost every Sunday - even if we don’t feel like it. We are always grateful we did.

10 minute couples meditation to reconnect

  1. Create a comfortable environment to sit on the floor. I like to lay down yoga mats and blankets to sit on so our hips are slightly elevated. If sitting on the floor is uncomfortable for you, feel free to place two chairs in front of each other.

  2. Sit across from each other in a comfortable position. If you’re sitting cross-legged, you should be close enough that your knees are almost touching.

  3. Look in your partner’s eyes.

  4. Both of you - deeply inhale and exhale. Do this in unison for a round of 5 breaths. Keep your eyes connected.

  5. Look at your partner - truly look at them and see them. This may be uncomfortable or make you laugh - that's okay. Stick with it.

  6. In your mind, think of something that you love about your partner. Don’t get caught up in the story surrounding this. Just think of one thing you love. Continue to breathe deeply.

  7. Now, create a circle with your breathe. Person A inhales, when person A exhales, person B inhales. When person B exhales, person A inhales. An so on.

  8. Do this for 2-3 minutes.

  9. Not get closer to each other.

  10. This could mean putting your legs up on the other person. This could mean that you clasp arms.

  11. You are breathing closer to each other now. Continue breathing in a circular motion. Feel and hear each other’s breath. Do this for another minute.

  12. After a minute of this, relax into the natural rhythm of your breath. Keep looking deeply into your partner’s eyes.

  13. Thank your partner for this time to connect. If you want, you can tell them the one thing you thought of that you love about them, but you can also keep it to yourself if you want. You choose!

P.S. This feels strange at first, I won’t lie. But within a minute or two, I feel reconnected and I can actually see my husband again. I see those qualities that I love about him and it grounds us for another week. Hope this works for some of you too!